Positive reinforcement from my local library

I'm a writer, for sure, but I am not sure my behaviour is normal for your average writer of middling success.

For example, on my lunch hour today, I made my way to the central branch of our city's public library system to browse their ongoing, and always interesting, used book sale.

I found nothing I was willing to buy, even at the ridiculously low prices they offer, but then I remembered that the library system had purchased about a half dozen copies of my first collection of children's stories.

Wouldn't it be neat, I thought to myself, to see my book in situ in a real library? On the shelves, among the other children's books? Like my self-published little gem was actually the real thing?

So I wandered down to the children's section and started to browse. Now, you have to realise, when you're a middle-aged man, you can't simply stroll into the children's section of a public library without being noticed.

I couldn't immediately find my book on the shelves and, after a few moments, the librarian came over to enquire if she could help me. I couldn't help but feel her helpfulness was driven, at least partially, by suspicion. You can't blame her, and it was probably all in my head, but....

What do you do? How do you answer that question?

Any answer but the truth -- that I'm an author with an ego issue who wants to see his own little book on the shelves of the library -- is likely going to make me look pretty creepy and result in a call to security. But the truth itself is pretty embarrassing.

I chose embarrassment over creepy and told her that I was the author of a children's book, that I understood the library system had purchased a number of copies of it, and that I had decided I wanted to treat myself to the thrill of seeing it right there on the shelves.

I'm grateful to say that, instead of mocking or pitying me, she helped me find the book.

Boy, did it ever look nice right there on the shelves. It looked like a real book and it made me feel like a real author.

"Do you want to sign it?" the librarian asked. "We like our books to be signed where possible."

So, after a little hesitation, I agreed to sign the book. While I was doing that, and feeling pretty good about myself in the process, this kind librarian handed me another gem.

"Wow," she said. "I'm looking up the borrowing history of your book. We've only had it on the shelves for 11 months and it's been borrowed 10 times. When you figure each person can borrow it for up to three weeks, add a week for processing when it is returned, that makes your book pretty much out 100% of the time."

Awesome. What started as a potentially embarrassing situation turned into a fantastic ego boost. Thanks Fredericton Public Library.

Anne Perry -- Billionaire???

What writers of middling success put up with. Episode 1.

I'm in the local public library, perusing the collection of books they have for sale and there's a guy standing next to me, smelling of cigarettes, also checking out the books on offer.

"Man," he says to me after a second, "there writers must be <expletive deleted> rich. Every <expletive deleted> one of them."

I take a moment to consider my own current financial situation, find it to be incompatible with his assertion, and say, "How do you mean?"

He points to an entire shelf of Anne Perry novels that are up for sale. "Look at all of them," he says, half-envious, half-contemptuous. "Don't tell me she's not <ed> rich. And then they'll go and make movies of all of them <ed> books and she'll be a billionaire."

The lineup of Anne Perry hardcovers was indeed impressive. All of them in great condition and to be had for just $2 per book. I have nothing against Ms. Perry -- in fact, I don't even really know the kind of books she writes -- but I am certainly not inspired to shell out the $30 or so required to acquire the entire collection on offer.

So I say to him. "Well, why don't you get on that gravy train yourself?"

He shrugs. "I ain't got the patience. I guess it would take a lot of time to write a book. Like a whole month. Maybe even two."

He wanders away.

I wonder away. Wish I could write a novel as good as Anne Perry's novels no doubt are. Wish I could write any novel in a month... and become a billionaire in the process.